Black Folks Abusive Marriage with the United States

Imagine that your parents married you off to this person who was way older than you. They had all the power and they had all the wealth. When you were younger, you might have even been excited; you thought you were about to be a member of a royal family. Instead, you got abused and treated like a servant for most of the time you were there.

Then, you might have read a little bit about the history of your spouse in a family library somewhere, and you found out that you weren’t married off–you were basically captured and enslaved. You might have been given more freedom as you’ve gotten older, but you have still never been treated in the way that you deserve.

But what makes it even worse is that the spouse acts as if you’ve been in a happy marriage for this entire time. They want to take pictures with you to show to all their friends. They want to show how well you might be doing compared with others who get abused more. They even want you to celebrate your anniversary and birthdays with happiness and joy.

How would a person, one who’s been abused and scorned and treated without respect–and then, gaslighted into thinking that not only have they been treated well, but it is actually them who have treated their spouse disrespectfully–then be expected to celebrate anniversary days and birthday days with glee?

Unfortunately, this isn’t something Black People in America have to imagine as this accurately describes our marriage to America. And this is exactly how I feel about celebrating the 4th of July as a Black person.

Black people have every right to not want to celebrate the 4th, no matter how much white people try to make you feel bad for such.

American Independence Day has not historically been a day of American independence for Black people. Forced patriotism is not true patriotism, and it is tough to be a patriot for a country that has never fully accepted you.

Frederick Douglass once delivered a famous speech entitled, “What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?” written before the Civil War, he told Americans that they were inconsistent–and that their claiming of liberty and Christianity were in conflict with the evil practice of slavery. Years later, he would deliver other speeches more patriotic speech. I will always resonate much more with his first.

When I was younger, and I pledged allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, I thought I lived in the greatest nation in the world. I looked at the stories of fighting back against the tyranny of the British, a tyrant King who believed he had the right to rule a nation from thousands of miles away without them having any representation, and I cheered.

I looked at the war fought in the Revolution, the victory over the world’s greatest superpower; and how a fledgling nation rose up to become an Empire of its own. I watch how a presidency became more important than a monarchy. I was proud to live in this nation. But unfortunately for them, I kept reading. Eventually, I got up to the Civil War, and I gave up my patriotic pride.

Men like Patrick Henry declared famously, “Give me liberty or give me death;” while simultaneously denying liberty to the Black people that lived here. Jefferson wrote famously of the self-evident truths that all men were created equal, with the inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness–while never allowing these rights to be exercised by Black people.

It literally took men taking up arms against each other and murdering each other, to the tune of more than six hundred thousand dead, for the Union to decide that men should not own other men and put them to work with slave labor.

It took the most violent war in American history to decide that white supremacy and rape were not principles that America wanted to stand on.

Or Did It?

On July 4th, 1776, Black people were in slavery–legally. It took another ninety years, a war, and fourteen presidents between the first one and Lincoln to outlaw the practice–and the president given credit for ending the practice never wanted Black people to be equal with whites. In fact, he said that we never would be, and was in favor of sending us to Africa or elsewhere.

It took another century for America to decide that Black people had the right to live wherever and to marry whomever they wanted; and that they had the right to earn the same amount of pay that white people did. During that decision-making process, thousands of Black people were murdered for the status quo; and millions more moved north and west seeking safe haven.

One year, during that century and on that self-same 4th of July, white people got so angry that one Black man defeated another white man in a boxing match–a white man fighting for what he called “…the sole purpose of proving that a white man is better than a Negro–” that they rioted in more than 50 cities over 25 states, with hundreds injured and at least twenty Black people killed.

We live in a nation so caught up in this status quo that, when they talk about Black success, they point to billionaires like Michael Jordan or Lebron James or Oprah Winfrey; or to politicians like Barack Obama; or to famous actors and athletes as examples of what Blacks should do to be successful–as if 500 people could ever represent the potential wealth of 42 million others.

To tell us as Black people that we should be happy to celebrate the birthday of this nation–because other nations are have been more abusive–sounds to me like telling an abused spouse that they should be happy that their spouse only slaps them around or calls them out of their name; because other spouses in other homes get socked, kicked, or even murdered.

We often make the mistake of thinking that technological advances or stringent laws mean that people have changed. They haven’t. Recent events reveal that people feel the same way about life that they pretty much always have–including feelings toward Black people and their rights. Why would I want to celebrate a day with those people? They would riot and murder if possible.

So no, when I hear Black people say that they care nothing about the 4th of July–that they merely enjoy the time off to spend with family or friends–I fully and wholly understand. For many Black people, the 4th of July can only become a sacred and holy day when one completely ignores the history of Black people in America. If you feel nothing about celebrating, don’t start.

You are neither wrong nor alone. You are just finally sick of your forced and abusive marriage, and you don’t want to pretend that everything is just fine. As a matter of fact, all the 4th of July reminds you of is that you would love to build your own place, with people whom you care about and who care for you in return, far away from a life with your abuser–and that’s perfectly fine.

Separate and away; now that sounds like an Independence Day that I could get behind.